From
the Winter 2007-08 Pyrates Way Magazine
ONE ON ONE
with
PERCIVAL THE PIRATE
Pyrates Way:
Percival:
I'm royalty ya know. I was 13th in line fer the throne o' England when I figger'd that ole witch'll never die. So I grabbed me a ship and now I'm off chasin' booty....er...grabbin' booty...uh...gettin' booty.... hell - it's sumptin' ta do with booty. I've only been at this a few weeks and ain't got all me terminology down.
Pyrates Way: Why did you quit pyracy for the life of an entertainer?
Percival: Who sez I quit? ...AND who sez I'm entertainin'?
Pyrates Way: How do you feel with someone's hand up yer bum?
Percival: How bout' I shove me hook up yers and you tell us?
Pyrates Way:
Can there ever be enough Jack Sparrow impersonators?
Percival: Who?
Pyrates Way: Who is Tom Crowl?
Percival: Who? Oh, him...I saw him talkin' to 'imself and felt sorry fer 'im. Look at the way e's dressed... e' looks like queer eye fer the straight guy gone awry.
Pyrates Way: How much money have you pillaged over the years?
Percival: I knew it - yer with the IRS - this interview is over.
(Interview resumed 20 minutes later...)
Pyrates Way:
What kind of wine goes with Salt Peter?
Percival:
Wine? Which one o' you p****ies is drinkin' wine? ... And NO ONE IS
PUTTIN' SALT ON M' PETER...
Pyrates Way: When in port, what do you spend the most money on?
Percival: Tube socks. I likes a nice pair o' tube socks.
Pyrates Way: Have ye ever walked the plank?
Percival: I prefer to pirouette. If yer gonna do it - have fun with it...
Pyrates Way: Where's your favorite port?
Percival:
Port? Which one o' you fancies is drinkin' port? Probably that damn IRS
%$#@^...
Pyrates Way: What's the most dramatic thing you've ever done on the poopdeck?
Percival: Britney Spears... er... dramatic? Meryl Streep.......yeah, Streep.
Pyrates Way: What's your stance on the lashing of innocent sea turtles as a raft?
Percival: Who sez their innocent? Personally, I never done it - I find the bloated bodies o' dead reporters float better.
Pyrates Way: What brand is yer favorite Rum?
Percival:
Boone's Farm...
Pyrates Way: Ever owned a parrot?
Percival: Nah - wanted one but me Mom & Dad got me a Teddy Ruxpin instead. Say, where the h*#$%#@ is Teddy?
Pyrates Way: Which is your favorite, Hooker, Strumpet, Harlott, Wench, or Trollop?
Percival: I prefer Crack Ho's me self.
Pyrates Way: What's yer favorite game?
Percival: I call it Treasure Map. I bury me booty in a lady's chest and then hide me treasure...
